Her daughter took her TBird away….

When It’s Time to Take Away the Keys

It could have been much worse.

My mother backed her Honda Civic into a neighbor’s trash cans, disturbing only a few squirrels. An hour later, the street would have been filled with hordes of  hungry children weilding Halloween bags.  I happened to be at my childhood home searching for a 1980s taffeta bridesmaid dress for a Halloween party—because what better use for it?—when I heard the crash.

I looked outside and saw Mom attempting a 19-point turn into the driveway.

That was it.

When she came inside, I picked up the keys she had placed on the credenza and told her she could no longer drive.

My normally kind, warm mother looked at me and said, “If you don’t give me those keys back, I will kill you.”

She was not joking.

When I refused, she called 911 and reported that her daughter had stolen her car.

And we were off.

Eventually, neighbors and our local Shepherd’s Center helped us create a transportation plan. But first came anger, bruised egos, grief, and exhaustion. Later, Mom showed clearer signs of dementia, confirming that taking the keys had been necessary—even if my approach had been abrupt.

The Area Agency on Aging suggested telling her that the car was “in the shop.” So that became my daily response when she called to accuse me of grand theft auto.

I don’t necessarily recommend this tactic.

I do recommend planning sooner.

Giving up the keys is about more than driving. It can feel like losing freedom, dignity, and control. But with compassionate planning, an older adult can stop driving without becoming isolated.

If you are facing this conversation with a parent, let’s talk—preferably before the trash cans, the police, or the squirrels get involved.

CHA+ Concierge for Healthy Aging helps families across Washington, D.C., Maryland, and Virginia plan transportation, home-safety, and independence supports before a crisis forces the conversation.

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Safer rides. Safer homes. Stronger families.